Fade to Black
by ncfan
Summary: Her complete apathy while saying it would resound in Tsunade's memories for years afterward.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

Her legs are still too weak to allow herself to walk, and it frustrates Tsunade that she can not even see the progress in the rebuilding of the village.

As she understands it, she was in a coma for two weeks, and in those two weeks so much has happened that Tsunade can barely take it all in. Probably the two most pleasant revelations she's had since waking up is that Kakashi is inexplicably still alive and that Danzo is dead.

Tsunade rubs her head as she sits up in bed and eats the food Shizune prepared for her—Shizune still won't let her eat any solids, and even though Tsunade knows why it's driving her insane. So much has changed, and Tsunade feels like she's slept for a year instead of a fortnight.

.

Shizune is radically different from what Tsunade remembers of her.

When Tsunade first wakes up, Shizune is her normal self, though it's instantly clear that the past weeks have taken a terrible toll on her.

But as the hours pass, her cheerful side diminishes until it vanishes completely. Shizune is silent as she rearranges everything in the room, again and again; Tsunade isn't sure what's taken a hold of her that she is compelling her to clean and neaten messes. She never speaks, never smiles, her eyes dull and tarnished like a silver spoon left too long, and she herself seems diminished.

She isn't cheerful anymore. Shizune is faded, dull, and almost apathetic as she moves around. She is tired, but never yawns; Tsunade can just barely make out small, purple shadows underneath her eyes, and since Shizune doesn't wear makeup, Tsunade knows that they are entirely due to lack of sleep.

When the room is cool, the air is stifling; when hot, warm sunlight pours in through the window, the air becomes absolutely frigid. There's something wrong, and Tsunade wants to know what.

"What's up with you?" Tsunade isn't big on delicacy, especially when she herself is not at her best and Tsunade has always preferred to get to the quick of the matter right away.

Shizune stops abruptly, standing at the other end of the room. Her back stiffens; she does not look at Tsunade.

Long-fingered, pale hands fidget with textbooks as Shizune puts them away. She pauses; her heartbeat, Tsunade can just barely tell, has become shallow.

Shizune looks halfway at her; her eyes are veiled both by shadows and her long bangs. "I…thought you knew," she says quietly. Black linen rustling behind her, she quickly retreats out of the room.

.

Tsunade realizes that Shizune is avoiding her when she doesn't come in for the next two days, and another medic comes to care for her instead.

.

For whatever reason, Nara Shikamaru seems to like visiting Tsunade in the hospital. Tsunade doesn't know why, but she's grateful for the company; ever since Shizune left, there is hardly anyone; even Naruto and Sakura don't visit all that much.

Shikamaru sits across from her, his face fixed in its normal expression of apathy. Yesterday, the emissary from the Sand, Temari, came to pay her respects on the behalf of her brother the Kazekage, and Shikamaru was the one who showed her where the room was.

Shikamaru has been one of her few steady sources of information since the briefing she received when she first woke up. He steadily lets Tsunade what's going on, and what happened after Pein was defeated.

"I don't know how, but he brought everyone he killed back to life." Shikamaru rubs his head as though the very idea of something he can't figure out causes him physical pain.

Tsunade takes a sip out of her soup bowl. "Well, that would certainly explain why Kakashi's still walking around. I didn't know what to think when he came walking in here the first time." In fact, it was all Tsunade could do not to jump and scream when Kakashi walked into her room. She was, for days, wondering how Kakashi could be alive when he had been reported to her as dead; Tsunade was only able to calm herself by convincing herself that her information must have been wrong somehow.

"It's fortunate," Tsunade comments. "Many were killed during the invasion."

Shikamaru nods. "But that's just the thing. No one will talk about what happened to them after they died."

Tsunade frowns, putting down the bowl and folding her hands across her lap; she wishes she had her hair ties to pull her hair back from her face. "Really?"

His mouth twists in frustration. "Kakashi changes the subject every time it comes up, and God knows Shizune always clams up when—"

"Shizune was one of the ones killed?" It's all Tsunade can do to keep her face from going slack with shock. _Why haven't I heard this before?_ she thinks, truly dumbfounded. Her limbs feel cold, even in the warmth of the room.

Shikamaru's face is grim. "Yeah, she was. You may have already noticed, but she hasn't been the same. Her being Ino's medical trainer, she spends a lot of time around me and Ino and Choji, and I have to tell you, she isn't the same anymore."

Tsunade tries not to bite her lip. She doesn't hear any more of what Shikamaru says to her.

.

Now, Tsunade is just waiting. She is being patient, much more so than usual, and it surprises even her. She even does paperwork while waiting, mildly stamping, signing, and reading. Shizune has to come in eventually.

And she does, one afternoon when the light is softer because of pale gray clouds partially blocking out the sun. Shizune comes in, tall, thin and dark-clad, carrying a large stack of paper, Ton-ton trailing after her, though not quite to the extent that she is getting in the way as Shizune walks.

"Here's some more of the paper work you wanted, Tsunade-sama." There is not even the slightest hint of…anything in her voice. It is even and quiet, no emotion showing through. She doesn't meet Tsunade's eyes, looking at the ground as she lowers the papers to the floor.

Tsunade sighs. "The work sure has piled up."

"Yes, it has."

Seeing some of the books on the shelf left askew, Shizune moves and starts to put them back in order. The books hit the back of the shelf with dull thumps, and it jogs Tsunade's memory.

"Shizune." Tsunade stares down at the words on the paper she's reading, and puts down her pen. "You were…killed during the invasion?" From how gingerly she puts the question, Tsunade wonders if she is losing her nerve.

Shizune looks at her, and her face fails to rise out of anything but hesitant apathy. Her hands pause on the dusty cover of a leather-bound tome. Slowly, she dips a shallow nod. A soft outtake of breath follows. "…Yes."

Tsunade shakes her head, hand twitching. "What happened?" she whispered.

In near silence, her shoes barely making any noise when they hit the floor, Shizune sits down, hands on her knees. Ton-ton huddles up against her left thigh, whimpering slightly, though it sounds more like her regular grunting.

Her eyes are opaque. "One of the paths of Pein came up behind me, before I could do anything."

Tsunade doesn't know whether to count it better or worse that, instead of being gored or stabbed or poisoned, Shizune had her soul ripped out of her still-breathing body instead.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

The young woman's short fingernails dig into the skirt of her yukata as she looks out the window, avoiding Tsunade's amber brown eyes. "I assumed you knew." Shizune looks back at Tsunade, her pale, thin face highly uncertain. "Tsunade-sama, I have a request."

"Anything."

Shizune bites her lip, then launches in. "When I was dying, the last thought I had was that…I…" She looked away, then back again. "I had always been putting things off, and then I suddenly discovered that I had no time left. I have never had any lasting relationships; I have few real friends at all. I wanted to do so much, but I couldn't." She draws in a deep breath.

"Tsunade-sama, when this is all over, please, just let me live my own life."

Tsunade frowns. "And have I been keeping you from doing that?" she asks uncertainly. Her stomach churns at the possible answer.

The mask of indifference settles back over her face again as her black bangs half shield her eyes. "Yes," Shizune says, so softly that Tsunade has to strain to hear it. Her complete apathy while saying it would resound in Tsunade's memory for years afterward. "You have."

She sweeps to her feet, scoops Ton-ton into her arms, and leaves without making a sound.

Tsunade dips her pen in the inkpot. While she reads a form, a request for aid from a border village that Pein devastated on his way to Konoha, she sighs deeply, an empty feeling settling on her.

They have grown apart. Tsunade knows that. And now, they will only continue to do so.

* * *

_If I don't say this now  
I will surely break  
__As I'm leaving the one  
I want to take  
__Forgive the urgency but  
Hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate_

—_Look After You_ by The Fray

* * *

This may seem harsh, but Tsunade should have known better; if she's going to ask a question, she should be entirely sure she actually wants to hear the answer.


End file.
